It happens. You are ready to tackle your tasks and feel confident when you start the workweek.
If you don’t speak up in an important meeting, the critic voice in your head will start.
They’ll think you’re not engaged. You can’t let this opportunity pass you by.
It’s easy to forget about it. You then notice a typo in the report you have submitted. “Can’t you get anything right?”
To be a team player, you must attend every meeting, start work earlier and finish work later than others.
This is a recipe to self-doubt, and burnout.
You’re not the only one who finds this all too familiar.
Many people who are “sensitive strivers” tend to beat themselves up. You can be your harshest critic because of perfectionionism and people-pleasing. You are a perfectionist, and you feel like every setback is the end.
But it doesn’t have be this way. It doesn’t mean you have to be so hard on yourself.
These strategies will help you overcome your fears and create a positive outlook.
How to stop being so hard on yourself at work
1. Take a look at the larger picture.
Sensitive strivers tend to have high standards for success. This can lead to self-criticism and a tendency to focus on one event only:
- One mistake that you made in that report…
- You couldn’t think up anything to add at this meeting…
- You once told a joke that didn’t work.
Once your brain has seized that one thing, it’s easy to make the mental leap to “I’m just not good enough.” My colleagues are more skilled than I am. What’s the point of me being here?
Zoom out for a second to see your overall performance. Instead of focusing on how you perform on a particular day or in a Zoom meeting, consider how you are doing overall. How does your performance curve look overall?
Your performance is like a bell curve. You’ll perform well on most days. You might be below average on some days. That’s normal. It happens. One bad day won’t affect your overall performance. Keep your eyes on the bigger picture.
2. Rethink what “win” means.
You are a sensitive seeker who has a natural tendency towards defining success in a hyper-specific manner: total and complete excellence at all costs. While you don’t have to lower your standards, it is important to expand your definition of what constitutes a “win”.
As a sensitive striver, you may be reluctant to speak up unless there is something you can share. Even half-formed ideas are valuable and can be considered a win. Your suggestion could be a helpful jumping-off point or spark an entire chain of thoughts that leads to an exciting breakthrough.
You can expand the definition of “win” beyond just speaking up at a meeting.
- Overcoming fear and resistance
- Standing up for what is right and pushing back
- A different approach to a situation
You can change your definition of success to include more possibilities and gain confidence in sharing more.
3. Reframe the relationship between identity and work.
Sensitive strivers are often obsessed with their work. Every deliverable, every task and every project become a life-or-death situation. Your work can feel like your entire identity. Your performance should be excellent. That’s the road to anxiety.
You are not responsible for your work. It’s not your work if someone doesn’t like it or gives you negative feedback. It can be difficult to do this mentally, especially if you are prone to comparing yourself and your work as sensitive strivers do.
A good strategy is to create a list of positives, or things that you are proud of, that do not have to do with work. These might be things like your commitment to yoga every morning or your ability to cook a great meal for your family.
It’s better to take a look at your intrinsic traits. You might find that you have an ability to use empathy as a superpower or that you are proud of your friendships. You can see your self-worth and your value as a person from how you perform.
4. To your advantage, change the “what if?” narrative.
Instead of focusing on criticisms, ask more constructive questions such as:
- What if my senior leadership team is passionate about my work?
- Is this the breakthrough that the project requires to move forward?
- Imagine if this proposal changed the way we work together as a team.
Your brain is wired for finding answers. Instead of wasting your brainpower on negative rabbit holes, use it to create scenarios that will empower you instead of dragging you down.
You are more sensitive than other people because you are a hard worker. While your sensitivity can be a drag if it gets out of control, it can also help you to use it to your advantage.
These tips will help you take a step back, get a better perspective and recognize the things that are working for you, rather than dwelling on what is wrong.
